The Many Adventures of Keira!

This is our page to document our family's adoption journey- starting from when we first started planning for our little one, to when we brought her home. We're also going to keep this updated with all of the things that Keira has been up to since she's been home with us here in the U.S!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Ok...THERE! I've Said It....'s overwhelming. Ok, I've said it. I've always prided myself in being able to handle everything that life throws at me, but being a parent is really hard work! I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world to have experienced this, but sometimes I just feel like I am and that I'm a bad parent. I know that it probably sounds like I'm just having a pity party today, but I honestly really don't want pity. I guess I just want to vent. I know deep down I'm doing the best that I can and that I'm just being hard on myself, but sometimes, I just feel like...well......a failure. Ok, I've said it.
When we first met Keira in China, Dan and I knew that with everything being so new and overwhelming for her, it was not the time to be disciplining. It was enough that she had to go through everything that she did, so we spent more of the time just letting her adjust. She pretty much got everything she wanted and pointed at. If she didn't feel like doing something that we knew she was supposed to do, well, she didn't have to. The result? A VERY happy, smiling, cooing baby. Well, when we got home, reality set in and sometimes she's just not going to get everything that she wants. Now granted, I understand that there is only so much negotiation and reasoning that you can do with a 14 month old. I'm trying to be very self-concious of not being too strict, but if she wants to stick her finger in a light socket or wants to take my car keys and throw them down the drainage ditch at the curb---there comes a time when mom has to! That's when it happens....the screaming. Not just a LITTLE scream...but a blood curdling scream like I just reached into her chest and tore her heart out. It makes me feel HORRIBLE! Granted, she still smiles, laughs and points "Ooh!" at things that fascinate her, but it just seems lately that she does SO much more of that SCREAMING than the smiling and laughing that she once did. It's usually because she wants something that is a big no. She is a very curious little one and wants to be into everything, but when I don't let her be into EVERYTHING (mind you, I do let her explore as long as it is not a danger to her or us)...out comes the scream. It makes me feel like a horrible mother and a bad person.
When I read things from the adoption or parenting boards, everyone talks about their children like they are absolute angels that never cry and there are never any problems or issues. So what am I doing wrong??? Is it just that people only talk about the good things, but don't talk about the bad? Or am I really doing something wrong? I feel kind of torn in knowing that you have to teach your children discipline, but also knowing that you have to be self concious of the needs that a newly adopted child may have that is a little different. I just want to be a good parent with a happy, well adjusted child that loves me, has fun with me, but also will respect what I say and grow up to be a well adjusted adult without thinking that her mom was a failure in raising her... that's all. Ok...pity party is over :)


Amy said...


Oh have I been there, I am there now still, and oh how I can relate! I would love to talk with you one on one and offer you some suppot!! We have been home since December 2005. Call me at (414)405-4269. You just need a good support system that has BTDT. Adopting is sooo different from "home grown". You are not alone!!


P.S. You are not a failure, you are a Mom who is doing the best that she can!!

Christine said...

Sharon, It is definitely not just you. i feel the same way about Fallon and Aria. Aria is at that age, too, where she wants to open the oven, play with electrical outlets, examine the cats teeth, splash in the toilet water.... and i get the heart-ripped-out scream, too. i don't think it is an adoption issue, i think it is a developmental stage issue common to us all. You guys are doing great. Take a break every now and then and do something just for YOU.
Love, Christine

Sonja said...

Hi Sharon, aren't screaming children just the bees knees? I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child, all we can do is manage as best we can, and even in well supported and stable families, sometimes not everbody's needs get met all the time, at least that's how it was when my boys were little, and I won't be surprised if it goes back to that once Raquel gets home. You will figure out what works best for you and Keira, it's different for every mommy child pairing. I'll let you know what my strategies were sometime when we get our girls together. I know you are a fabulous mother just because I know how much you love Keira.


P.S. John says that is why he is not having children ;-) and Natalya says hi :-)

Terri said...

Oh, Sharon. You are not doing anything wrong. You are a great mom and Dan is a great dad. ALl parents, whether they adopt or the other way, go through this. It is hard on all parents to have to listen to the tantrums. It's part of her growing up and adjusting. Listen to yourself. You know what is right for you and for Keira. You will know when it is the right time to say no and when it is not.

You knew from the beginning that it would not be easy. You'll adjust and just rock this parent thing.

Hope to see you soon. Hugs to you all.

sabita said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. I know for a fact that you are one awesome person, how could you possibly be a bad mommy? Your child will thank you one day for the discipline ( I am still waiting for Brinda's thanks by the way ;) but I know it'll come ) but no matter, you are doing your best as a mother and you are doing it with all the love that you possess, and that's more than any child can ask. Pat yourself on the back every now and then, you are doing a wonderful job with Keira. See you soon, can't wait to meet the little person.

Paula said...

Hang in there, Sharon. You are definitely not alone. Now that she's in yet another new environment, Jess has gotten even more clingy (who knew that was possible?) and screams if I put her down for a second. It does get overwhelming but it helps to know others are there too. I think many people just tend to talk about the good things.